irkWORKS, the Journal Of

Sun, 26 Apr 2009 05:49:05 GMT

UltraCrispy Issue #1 has been posted, and with that I say goodbye to IRKWORKS. Well, the web site will remain, but I will no longer update it. The same goes for the IRKWORKS LiveJournal site. See ya at UltraCrispy and the UltraCrispy blog from now on.

-Chris P. AKA Crispy

Crawling Back to the Cold, Slimy Embrace of the Internet

Sat, 18 Apr 2009 06:08:07 GMT

Hello, sports fans! I hereby notify my fellow cybercitizens of my imminent return to the internet. I'll be posting comics again, but not at IRKWORKS. New work shall appear at

UltraCrispy.com

("Crispy," as in "Chris P.," as in "me." "Ultra" as in "inferiority complex.")

Things will be a little different over there. Each update, or "issue," will be in the form of a large "wall of images" -- a hodgepodge of comic strips, illustrations, and other visual stimuli. This time around I'm cranking up the experimentation and toning down the self-censorship. I'm not alone, either. Work by others is to be featured as well. Here's a useless preview:

Hey, Crispy, I thought you were trying to get published. Well, Mr. Italics, I'm glad you asked. I find the economy, the ailing book industry, and the even-more-ailing comic book industry a little too daunting for an attempt to get published. Besides, every time I sit down to write the next great American graphic novel, I instead doodle the kind of stuff that belongs at UltraCrispy. So I'll see you over there in a week or so!

-Chris P. AKA Crispy

IRKWORKS is on indefinite hiatus.

Sun, 28 Dec 2008 23:52:47 GMT

I could probably say IRKWORKS.com will never be updated again, but I suppose there is still the slimmest of chances I'll change my mind. That said, I don't plan on removing IRKWORKS content from the web anytime soon.

I have several reasons for going on hiatus, none of which includes quitting comics. Instead, I'd like to shift my efforts to getting published. If that fails, then I'll come crawling back to the cold, slimy embrace of the internet. However, I'd post comics at a different web site. (I just can't stand the name "irkworks.com.") Whether it's in print or on the web, I'll probably make comics that deviate from my usual schtick. Something a little more innovative or unique. Something that does a better job of holding my interest and igniting my passions. Well, until then, see you later.

ComicPress

Fri, 07 Nov 2008 16:03:01 GMT

I know the "webcomics community" (barf) has a massive, veiny, throbbing hard-on for ComicPress but it's annoying the feces out of me. Maybe it's not ComicPress per se, but rather how so many people choose to set it up. Perhaps it's all the default settings people don't bother to change. Whatever it is, it's giving a sameyness to a lot of sites that are setting off the alarms of my overfamiliarity detectors. For example, I hate those lame << navigational brackets (not arrows, mind you) above and to the right of the comic. And then there are those pathetic, tiny "next" and "previous" links below the comics. Please. Give me huge honkin' navigational arrows (not brackets) below the comic, and preferably above as well. There are other less identifiable factors that spread uniform genericness across webcomic sites. I don't know if it's the fonts used or the placement of logos or what. But when I get this feeling of sterile yuckness, all I have to do is scroll to the bottom of the page and see the inevitable "This lame comic is powered by WordPress with ComicPress." My curmudgeonry is powered by your lameness. By the way, can we stop saying "powered by" now? If we can elect a black president, I think we can also manage to drop some artifacts from the mid-90s' information superhighway.

PS I'm aware my own web site could use some improvements, but I'd still rather look at that than anything ComicPressed.

PPS I'm equally annoyed by all those YouTube videos that begin with a blue screen and scrolling white text. What fart is that?

I am a woman.

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:41:43 GMT

It says so right here.

Slacker

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 17:39:58 GMT

You know the cliche where people say, "Hey, we're in the 00's. Where are the flying cars and jet packs?" Forget that. What I want to know is, "Where are the robots that are supposed to do our work for us?" I'm pretty sure that there were futurists in the 50's or 60's who predicted that by now we would have labor-saving machines that allow us to work much fewer hours. But it seems that all technology did was create more work for us to do.

Speaking of work, this article disgusted me. I wasn't put off by the slackers. No, I was put off by the money-grubbing workaholics who don't seem to realize what matters in life. But then again, I'm just a wee bit biased, for I am.... A SLACKER!

I just can't stop slacking. I'm the laziest person I know. But now is not the time to slack on the job. Not in this economy. Not with a baby and a mortgage I can barely afford. I just hate this job so much. OK, so look for another job. I did, without success despite several interviews. Granted I could have applied for more jobs, but the truth is I hate this field of work. Engineering in theory is cool. In reality (or at least in my experience) it sucks. Maybe I'm just not good enough at it to get more rewarding engineering work. Fine then look for another job in a field that you love. The fields I love don't pay enough to support my family's lifestyle. Plus, I would probably have to go back to school to be qualified to work in other fields. I can't afford schooling. Also, college was traumatic for me. Well, maybe you should lead a less expensive lifestyle. Yeah, tell my wife we ought to downgrade. Besides, we're not living extravagantly by any means. Be a man and suck it up like the rest of us, you sniveling little pansy. While you whimper about your comfy middle class life, there are people starving... Yeah, I know. I know. Say, anything good at digg.com?

Unacceptable Halloween Costumes

Fri, 31 Oct 2008 16:18:34 GMT

So here I am in my cubicle getting the shit depressed out of me as usual, except as an added annoyance co-workers are "celebrating" Halloween. The three "costumes" I've seen so far are as follows: pajamas (actually just sweat pants and a t-shirt), hunting camouflage, and doctor's scrubs. Words... they fail me. I bet I will soon see other favorite non-costumes such as the sports uniform and the rainbow-colored wig.

Later this afternoon, fully grown adults will go cubicle to cubicle trick-or-treating and then proceed to harrass me for not providing their fat fucking asses with candy. Maybe they're right. Maybe I should get more into the Halloween spirit. Yeah, how about I dress up as a mailman and go postal?

For the record, I like Halloween. I even dressed up for it at my previous workplace. The people there were cool. They wore actual costumes and didn't beg for candy. Once I went as the Hamburglar. The mask I wore over my eyes limited my peripheral vision. So when I told a friend, "If I were a porn star I'd be the Furburglar," I didn't see the female co-worker to my left. Luckily she only laughed at me. If it happened here I'm sure I'd be clearing out my desk due to alleged sexual harrassment.

So Happy Halloween, everyone. If you need a (non)costume idea you can go as me, the disgruntled, passive-agressive, powerless, office peon.

Ability to make comics restored

Thu, 30 Oct 2008 21:11:57 GMT

Because the world anxiously awaits the next IRK comic, here's a little update. I loaded a bunch of software onto my backup computer and verified that it has what it takes to handle my comic-making abuses. Now I just need to decide whether to start a new comic, or re-do the half-finished comic I (may have) lost on the computer that crashed. Or... neither?

When my web site went down for a few days not too long ago, my internet traffic took a big hit. When traffic was at its lowest my reaction was not, "Oh no!" My reaction was, "No one left to please. I'm finally free!" I think I'm putting to much pressure on myself to please a handful of (mostly) ungrateful strangers. I love drawing. I just need to figure out how to make the experience more rewarding. Maybe I ought to stop looking at the traffic statistics. But then why post my comics at all? Man, what a headcase, eh? Apparently there aren't enough problems in the world for me to worry about.

Computer Malfunction

Wed, 29 Oct 2008 14:48:46 GMT

I expected to do some comicking Sunday night, but the power went out. This happens to us way too often. We must have accidentally signed up with third-world-country-style electric service or something. It would warm my heart to know that someone got Chinese water torture over this because it totally hosed my computer.

I think the wind was the official cause of the outage. Not lightning or anything interesting. The wind. The wussy-ass wind. And just to rub it in, all the houses across the street did NOT lose power. But that's not enough. Apparently losing power can now totally incapacitate a computer. My home computer gets a show-stopping error every time it tries to run Windows. This is a bit of a problem seeing that I use my computer for every step of comic creation, including initial sketches. I fear the solution will result in losing all my hard drive data. There are enough files I haven't backed up (including the latest comic in progress) for me to be justifiably full of impotent rage.

I at least managed to get an old, back-up computer running last night. It won't bring back any lost files, but hopefully it can handle the rigors of digital comic-making until my regular computer returns to health. Until then... IMPOTENT RAGE!

irkworks.com is down temporarily

Tue, 14 Oct 2008 15:05:24 GMT

2nd UPDATE (10/16/08): Apparently irkworks.com is back up.

UPDATE: Yep, it was an unpaid web hosting bill because my credit card info was outdated. Irkworks.com should be back soon.

***

In case anyone noticed that irkworks.com is down, I'm just letting people know that I did NOT throw a tantrum and shut down the site. The issue might be with my web hosting account. Maybe I forgot to pay a web hosting bill or something. Anyway, I can't look into the issue while I'm at work because my obnoxious employer's idiotic internet content filter blocks me from accessing certain web sites. Hopefully I'll resolve the problem tonight.

So, I've been getting into the groove making comics again. I thought I'd be able to post a new comic this week, but life's getting busy again. Well, if I don't post it this week, then I'll do it next week. After this week, I think life will stop being an asshole for awhile and let me spend more time on comics. (Man, I'm just begging to be jinxed, aren't I?)

Parah Salin

Mon, 13 Oct 2008 23:24:44 GMT

Aw man, I don't believe this. A few posts ago I pointed out that making a spoonerism out of "Sarah Palin" gets you "parasailin'." Well, someone else made an image based on that premise and so far it got 4,266 diggs at digg.com. Dammit, those 15 seconds of internet fame belong to me!

Well, here's semi-related, semi-political humor I doodled up when I should have been working:

Regardless of how you feel about John McCain, you gotta hate that "maverick" and "my friend" shit.

IRK #49: Vehicular Genitalia

Wed, 08 Oct 2008 05:24:28 GMT

Click on the redneck to see the new IRK comic!

Wow, two comics in two weeks. That's pretty good for me. I plan to keep the trend going but I don't have the track record to support such claims.

Captain Excelsior guest comic

Thu, 02 Oct 2008 03:19:35 GMT

Looks like I squirted out a new comic. This time it's a guest comic for Captain Excelsior. Click the pic to see it.

Shocking Discovery About Sarah Palin!

Mon, 22 Sep 2008 20:03:02 GMT

If you make a spoonerism out of "Sarah Palin," you get "parasailin'." By the way, this is what my mind does constantly. It endlessly spoonerizes phrases that run through my head, especially when I shake a tower. Oops, I mean take a shower.

The 80s called...

Fri, 12 Sep 2008 15:24:22 GMT

I can't believe people still put "Baby On Board" signs on their car. What am I supposed to do with that information? "You know, I was going to ram the shit out of that car in front of me, but now that I know there's a baby inside maybe I won't." Or are these people just bragging that they ejected offspring from their crotches? Congratulations, no one has ever done THAT before! Ugh, fuck your baby and the board that it's on.

I have a baby and, needless to say, I have no urge to advertise it to the world. In fact, I don't understand the urge for most bumper stickers, etc, that people put on their cars. I mean, what a chickenshit way to communicate. "Here's a controversial message that I'll never have to defend face to face with someone!"

PS I'm cranky!

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:42:21 GMT

Here are some pleasing album covers I've come across recently.

This is like an old textbook illustration with sci-fi leanings. I love the name of the band, too. By the way, the music is quirky, mellow, retro-futuristic, instrumental, electronic music. It's good for when I need to concentrate while working.

The following images are from albums I do not own. I checked the band out on iTunes and, though I do not hate them, I don't have much need to purchase their products.

Man, how I'd love a gig designing album covers. Well, I could always put out some crappy homemade music for the sole purpose of creating album art for it.

Just what the hell ARE these?!

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 17:24:20 GMT

The two images above are drawn from memory based on some stickers on cars that I see every now and then. My rendering of the girly cat isn't too good but the real thing definitely has that oval-shaped head and a skinny neck. Anybody know what the hell they're for? Google image searches turn up nothing.

I get the impression these are related to some music group, probably for some indie or punk band.

15-Minute Comics #22-26

Mon, 18 Aug 2008 00:12:30 GMT

Post comments for the 15-Minute Comics #22 through 26 here. (See the comics at irkworks.com.)

15-Minute Comics to continue?

Tue, 12 Aug 2008 03:45:37 GMT

I'm planning to run 15-Minute Comics at irkworks at least through next week. Creating them has helped me shed my crippling perfectionism and even helped me develop my brainstorming skills. If I keep at it, perhaps my drawing speed will continue to improve. Regardless, my enthusiasm has faded.

If I know people like them, that'll restore some of my enthusiasm and I'll make more. Otherwise, maybe it's time to end the experiment. So please vote in the poll. And don't answer "Yes" just to be nice. I know the 15-Minute Comics aren't exactly comedy gold. And don't answer "No" if you think they're keeping me from doing "real" comics. There are other reasons for the lack of real comics.

View Poll: 15-Minute Comics

15-Minute Comics #17 through 21

Mon, 11 Aug 2008 03:05:02 GMT

Post comments for the 15-Minute Comics #17 through 21 here. (See the comics at irkworks.com.)

CRISIS! Part 1

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 19:13:26 GMT

Every now and then I throw a tantrum and threaten to end my web site and/or start a new one. (Exactly who's supposed to feel threatened, I don't know.) Well, here we go again.

Reasons for ending irkworks:
1) No time. Day job + baby = no time for regular updates.

2) Irkworks.com is a stupid name. Even if I decide to continue the path I've started at irkworks.com, I'd rather not continue it under that domain name. "Irkworks.com" was meant to be the name for my graphic design site that never came to be. It's a dumb name in general and it's an even dumber name for a webcomic site. I wish I could have irk.com, but as you'd guess some waste of oxygen is squatting on it.

3) I'm tired of the kind of comics I've been doing. I'm entertained by comics that are like mine, but I'm tired of making them. Also, I'd rather do something a little more original. I don't think originality is necessary for something to be legitimately entertaining. I just have this aching urge to "BE DIFFERENT."

4) Too much pressure to please. I don't quite know how to interpret my web site's traffic statistics but it seems I have some regular visitors. This intimidates me. It's exactly what I wanted and yet it paralyzes me. Why? I make no money from irkworks, so who cares if I lost my audience? I guess it's a fear of failure.

On the other hand, the vast majority of traffic comes from stumbleupon.com, much of whom are one-time visitors. I have an odd resentment towards these stumblers. I don't know why. It's ridiculous. I feel like they're stopping by for some drive-by entertainment and then speeding off to the next web site. It just seems so thankless. But are my own internet surfing habits any different? I don't use stumbleupon.com, but I pretty much do the same thing when I use sites like Digg.com. It's the internet. What do I expect? No one owes me anything.

Well, irkworks isn't going anywhere for now. I'm all talk at this point. If nothing else, I'll continue posting 15-Minute Comics for the foreseeable future. No matter how I proceed, I woun't stop making comics altogether.

Coming soon: more whining on this topic! Part 2 will cover my dumb fantasties.

15-Minute Comics #12 through 16

Mon, 04 Aug 2008 02:54:23 GMT

I'm using this post to accept comments regarding the 15-Minute Comics #12 through 16. (See the comics at irkworks.com.)

15-Minute Comics #7 through11

Mon, 28 Jul 2008 01:30:39 GMT

Another week, another batch of 15-Minute Comics. Leave your comments regarding the 15-Minute Comics #7 through11 here. (See the comics at irkworks.com.)

I didn't make any 15-Minute Comics last week. I tried twice, but it just didn't happen. If the strips were simply bad, I'd post them. But they were either unfinished and/or unrecognizable as comic strips. My brain just wasn't working. Well, I have a good buffer of strips built up so I shouldn't miss any updates.

15-Minute Comics #2 through #6

Mon, 21 Jul 2008 02:30:16 GMT

New 15-Minute Comic posted at irkworks.com. I won't have a journal entry for each one posted. Just this one for the entire week's worth of strips. So add comments for comics #2 through 6, if you like.

Sketchbook Update

Fri, 18 Jul 2008 04:07:11 GMT

There's another sketchbook update at... oh, hell, I'll just post it here:

My love for anthropomorphic characters rears it's ugly head... and little fruit body. It's yet another pencil drawing from work.

Permanent link to sketch here.